Freshly Pressed. Me? No. No it won’t happen. Forsooth (or fourtooths which, with the amount of ice cream I’ve been eating lately, might come to pass). For yesterday (or was it the day before? I’m getting old and can’t remember that far back) I penned (well, typed) and published (that’s the thing you do when you hit the ‘publish’ button. It’s kinda cute. Currently it’s blue, but who knows what colour it might be in the future?) this post. The post that truly guarantees that the position it held on the Humor Tags page (called Topics and hidden away somewhere near the Reader, just to confuse you) will be removed when the powers-that-be realise just how many miaows it contains. Yes, dear reader (not to be confused with Reader which is different and frequently not dear. Well unless you’re paying for upgrades) it contains – and I know because I counted – 100 miaows. Well, give or take the ones that appear as miaowing and miaower.
I will never be Freshly Pressed because I don’t post huge, huge, vast, overwhelmingly big images that you have to scroll across half a continent (or incontinent) to see and even then you find you’ve missed that pigeon’s dropping because its tail is just out of view.
I will never be Freshly Pressed because I don’t post cartoon strips created in Microsoft Paint. (Except for this post. Well, there’s always a first time.)
I won’t be Freshly Pressed because I don’t put cute captions beneath strange and eccentric pics. (Except that there’s always a
first second time.)
I will never be Freshly Pressed because even though sometimes I bite**, often I also smile fairly benignly. (The Mona Lisa’s got nothing on me. Well, I hope not anyway.)
I will never be Freshly Pressed because I’m in Wales. The powers-that-be probably think I’m a sheep, which is not unreasonable because this country has far more sheep beings than human beings. In fact, there’s one. Oh and there’s another. Oh and look… Zzzzzzzzzz…..
I will never be Freshly Pressed because I wouldn’t look very good flat. I mean, Convex is what I am. Concave I can do without. But flat?
I will never be Freshly Pressed because I like a quiet(ish) life and don’t post on contentious topics. (And I can spell contentious.)
I will never be Freshly Pressed despite quite a lot of really good people (that I am privileged to know and don’t-I-forget-it) having been
flattened Freshly Pressed. Like… like… Darla, and Charles (who got stuck on the Press for a whole long weekend. And to think that some people pay for that sort of thing…), and Lorna, there’s Katie and DB and Kathy and Mrs Fringe and … who else? If you’ve been FP’d and want to brag about it, please do. Hit a comment below (but not too hard please or I might have to put some arnica on it.)
(Oh and talking of hitting comments. I’m getting rid of that ‘comments will be closed within 14 days’ thingy. It gave me indigestion.)
I will never be Freshly Pressed because the powers-that-be probably don’t like this sort of post. Y’know, the one that links to some great bloggers who have been Freshly Presssed, the one that gratuitously uses the Freshly Pressed tag
out of context, the one that is plainly a straight-up-meet-you-on-the-roof pathetic-oh-look-that’s-called-sky attempt at getting some more attention.
Even more than all that, I will never be Freshly Pressed because – well, heck – it’s only one day of blog-love, isn’t it? And I can have blog-love any day I want, just by writing fun and occasionally inspiring posts for the people who I know enjoy reading my blog. And hopefully, in the process some others will come by and read it too.
Why will you never be Freshly Pressed? (Or have you been?)
Are you an orange?
Do you post
ginormpus ginormouse huge images with nutty captions beneath them?
x marks the spot
x marks another spot
x oh no, not zits at my age!
*I’m a Satsuma.
** Though with fourtooths it’s not that bad. Oh – wait – I’ve not yet got only fourtooths!